I’m not one of the boys....and it’s a good thing.
When I first got hired as a firefighter/paramedic I was 25, single and living by the beach.
I would hang out with guys from work off duty mostly because I had hot single friends and it was a place to stash their surf boards. I didn’t mind and always had fun with the guys. At the time the department I worked for was pretty evenly split up with young guys and those that were counting down the years or days until retirement. That mix provided to be a group of fun friends to hang out with and a protective group of pseudo big brothers, uncles and a second dad. At this time in my career I had finished probation and thought I had proven my worth; which now I think as a female in any male dominated profession you are continuously proving your value.
I would get invited on river trips, to concerts and the fun events. All was smooth for a few years until I felt the dynamic shift. When the young guys started getting married and settling down there was a new dynamic. The “fire wives” . Now I don’t mean that term to be negative but it’s often what they call themselves as a badge of honor in a way and trust me they earn that title and a badge of their own too. However, I quickly learned that I was being viewed as threat. I was working 24 or sometimes 48 hours with their boyfriends or husbands. I no longer got invited to the river trips or vacations. I didn’t yet have a family so I didn’t get invited to those trips either. I learned to befriend the wives. One because they were genuinely amazing women and to put them at ease while working long hours with their husbands.
I would often get asked what it was like to work with “all those hot men” (insert my eye roll) they might be hot to those that don’t know them but when you know who is dairy intolerant and by the smell of them busting ass had cheese that day the mystery of any level of good looks is out the window. Some of these guys are legit like my brothers, uncles and dads. We are a fire family. So although, I didn’t get invited to events I was okay with it.
Some of these guys are best friends on and off duty and I have my girls who are my besties to hang out with.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I will never be as strong as some of the men physically, yet I am stronger in certain areas more than other men. As a female I bring a skill set the guys can’t. Young kids, moms with babies, pregnant women, rape victims, moms safe surrendering their babies (that is a post in and of itself for another day) are relieved when they see a women who can understand them and can be soft and get on their level. This is not to take away from the men, they are amazing at what they do. I’m just highlighting some of the things women can provide.
So now at 38 and two promotions later I’ve come to understand that my skill set is just as valuable as a man’s but in different ways. I’m not one of the boys and that’s a good thing.